


Matthew

by syrenpan



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Drama, M/M, M7-97 - Freeform, Origin Story, There will be death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:16:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrenpan/pseuds/syrenpan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my take on Paladin Danse's origin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fallout 4 (c) Bethesda - no copyright infringement intended.

_'Is this on? Oh... okay. I'll make it quick. Uh. Hi, my name is Matthew. You probably don't remember me. But that's okay. Even if you never hear this, I guess, I just wanted to have a chance to say all the things I never got to tell you when we were ...friends. Yes. When we were friends.'_

'Who is your friend?' The red-headed woman asked, raking her gaze up and down the stranger's impressive physique. The man was tall, his dirty, blue jacket straining at the seams under his bulk, not so much hinting but downright advertising impressively defined arms and pectorals. The woman licked her lips.

Cutler rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath before he seemingly reluctantly introduced Matthew to Chloe.

'It's Trixie now, sweetheart, you know, because I have some tricks up my sleeve,' she informed them coyly fluttering her long lashes at Matthew.

Cutler groaned, 'For fuck's sake woman, you changed your name, too. First your ass, then you boobs, your fucking skin colour. You really don't know when to quit, do you?'

'I see you haven't changed though. Same hair, same duds, same black ass, same ass!' She probably thought this was the height of wit when she smiled proudly at the new guy.

To her disappointment, Matthew seemed completely unimpressed when he replied in a monotonous voice, 'Pleased to meet you,' and stuck his hand out. Trixie, formerly known as Chloe, took it somewhat reluctantly and shuddered when Matthew gave it a squeeze and a slightly too vigorous shake that made her wig slide halfway off her head. Matthew looked at it with childlike interest. Clearly flustered, Trixie tutted as she tried to fix it, causing a few strands of bleached blonde hair to escape.

She hissed at Cutler who was smirking at her with obvious glee. 'Get your ass back to the other end of town where it belongs.'

Cutler held up his hands in a gesture of peace and stepped back, still smirking. 'Come on, Matthew.'

'And tell Danse to drop by some time,' Trixie shouted when they were almost out of earshot.

'Yeah, no,' Cutler said to himself as he kept walking toward the junk merchant quarter.

'Who was that?' Matthew asked.

'Oh, an old flame of Danse's; the friend I told you about. But she got really into the whole complete makeover thing, so he dropped her ass when she wouldn't stop. I guess, she is still a bit sore about it. Some people have a hard time letting go.'

'Is she trying to hide from someone? Because she seemed to be in disguise,' Matthew asked with a frown as they ambled through Rivet city.

Cutler cast a sideways glance at his new friend before he said, 'As far as I know, only form herself.'

Matthew nodded as if that had made a lot of sense to him. Cutler decided to let it go for now because they were almost back at the shop and he was eager to show Danse his latest find.

'Nothing lasts forever,' said a gruff voice.

'One day! One fucking day and this piece of junk died on me. I want my caps back, you cheating trash peddler.' The female person sounded shrill and loud. Someone was clearly upset.

Cutler and Matthew walked around the corner in time to see Danse's impressive form lean over the makeshift counter until his nose was almost touching that of the angry customer's.

'You bought it in good condition. Here is some advise, free of charge, next time don't stick it where it has no business going,' he looked her up and down. She gasped and took a step back.

'Oh man,' Cutler whispered and half-turned to hide his grin lest the woman should see and choose him as an easier target for her anger.

Meanwhile, Danse still stared her down and said very calmly, 'I'll give you 10% of the original price for the scrap if you want to sell it.'

The woman's eyes bulged. 'The fucking nerve,' she said before she clamped her mouth shut, banged her hand on the counter and growled, 'you know what? Fine. I hope you choke on it, you fucking...'

'Pleasure to do business,' Danse cut her off, tossed the caps in front her and watched with a stonefaced expression as she snatched them up and stormed off.

Cutler roared and clapped his hands. 'Danse, you're my hero!'

Danse tried and failed not to smirk. He looked at the floor and closed his eyes but eventually started to chuckle. Cutler went and gave his friend a quick hug before he introduced Matthew.

'I found him by the culvert, almost getting gnawed on by mirelurks. Nasty business.'

Danse looked at Cutler's new friend with a neutral expression which Matthew returned in kind. It was almost like looking at a mirror, only where Danse was tanned, dark hair and brown eyes, Matthew was pale, hair almost white and eyes so grey they looked colourless.

'Good to meet you,' Danse said eventually and stretched out his hand which Matthew took and shook in the same way he had before. Unlike Trixie, Cutler's friend seemed to be pleased with it and Matthew felt the corners of his mouth lifting.

Danse retuned the smile and looked expectantly at Matthew, however the blond man just continued to smile at him until Danse turned and looked questioningly at Cutler.

'Yeah, he does that at first,' Cutler said, still smiling even as Danse raised his eye-brows.

'Hey Matthew, tell my friend how you hacked that terminal at Blue Tec,' Cutler prompted but then continued to tell the story himself. Danse expression got darker the longer he listened.

'Oh, don't look at me that way. Come one, he is really smart under all this,' Cutler basically gestured to all of Matthew who just stared back at him, trying to keep pace. Cutler sure talked fast.

Danse gave his friend a long look and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he watched Cutler practically bounce up and down as he recalled how they had met earlier that day.

Matthew tuned them out. The gleaming metal object on the workbench behind the counter drew his attention. It was the thing that the angry lady had brought back. It looked shiny. He approached it and almost reverently picked it up. He turned it this way and that before he reached almost absent-mindedly into a nearby toolbox and started to work.

'Danse, my friend, I know what you're thinking but this isn't a Mr Tinkerpaws situation, for starters he, ' Cutler indicated Matthew, 'doesn't have whiskers.'

'Cutler,' Danse hissed sharply. His best friend had the nasty habit of acquiring strays, although Matthew was the first human he had ever dragged into the shop, but still at first glance he had all the makings of the others who had either run off or died on them within a short period of time. But only after they had gotten them into a world of trouble.

Danse was about to patiently point this out when they heard Matthew say, 'There, all better now.' Both men looked at him in surprise and watched as he turned the crank. The indicator on the laser musket flashed bright red. Danse mouth dropped open and Cutler beamed like a proud parent.

'So, he can stay?' Cutler said, waggling his eye-brows and giving Danse that shit-eating grin of his.

Danse pursed his mouth in an effort not to smile and said, 'Okay, you can keep him. For now.'


	2. Chapter 2

_You and Cutler took me “under your wing” as he had put it. He showed me how to shoot with a sniper rifle. You showed me how to scrap, how to trade, in return I showed you how to modify weapons and repair parts that had been deemed hopelessly broken. You liked it and got really good at it. I was so proud to be able to repay you for letting me stay. I would like to be able to say it was an equitable trade because that's what you told me was the only way out here: a fair deal. But, the truth is, you both gave me so much more. Even after you found out who I was._

'To the team,' Danse said as he raised his Gwinnett Stout.

'The team,' the others chimed in and clinked their bottles together. They all drank deeply and belched. In the beginning Matthew hadn't been able to get the hang of it but under the careful tutelage of his new friends, he had finally managed a moderate burp. Everyone was very proud.

Life had been good to them in the past couple of months. Matthew had turned out to be a genius; he could fix anything and the caps had started to flow in. They had to go on fewer scavenging hunts themselves because as word about Matthew's skill got around, people had just started to bring them junk which they bought cheap, fixed up and sold high.

Cutler sighed happily and leaned back in his chair. 'You know I could get used to this. Maybe we can even afford to move out of the market place?'

Danse looked at him, beer bottle half-way to his lips, 'I wouldn't quite plan on moving into a private suite at the Weatherly just yet.'

Cutler pouted, 'Stop squashing my dreams.'

Danse chuckled and drank. Matthew noticed, not for the first time, how Cutler's eyes lingered on his friend's neck as he gulped down the drink, only to look away quickly when Danse had finished.

When Matthew had asked him about it about two weeks ago while they were alone, sorting screws, Cutler had brushed it aside. But when he wouldn't let the topic go, his friend had given him a very confusing talk about the Hubflower and the Stingwing, and how sometimes one Stingwing was more interested in another Stingwing but that other Stingwing liked the flowers and it was better if no-one was ever to talk about it again because of nuclear radiation.

~*~

Matthew frowned, decided that none of that had made any sense and just said, 'You like Danse.'

The sniper gasped and rolled his eyes and finally conceded,' Yes. But don't tell him I said that, it will only go to his head.'

'I like him, too,' Matthew replied.

Cutler chuckled without lifting his eyes from his task, 'Yeah, I know you do. You basically worship the ground he walks on.'

Matthew felt heat rising in his cheeks which was a new experience, not unpleasant but odd. He wasn't sure what it meant either so he ignored and said, 'I think he likes you, too. He is nicer to you than he is to anyone else, even me, and he is pretty nice to me. You make him smile more.'

Cutler did look up then. He regarded Matthew thoughtfully before he slowly replied, 'He does like me but not in the same way I do. And now, my friend, please, let it go.' He turned his gaze back on the screws.

'I'm sorry,' Matthew said quietly, 'I didn't mean to make you sad.' He looked so forlorn that Cutler got up and patted him on the shoulder.

'Don't worry about it, buddy. I just close my eyes count to ten and pretend all is well. You know like chancing upon a Deathclaw eating his dinner. You turn on the spot and walk the other way as fast as you can without drawing its attention. It is what it is.'

'But it doesn't have to be,' Matthew suddenly shouted which startled the other man enough to take a step back. 'Running away is tiresome. It will wear you down. I think you should just tell him how you feel.'

Cutler’s eyes narrowed. That had been surprisingly insightful. Matthew was usually socially awkward to put it mildly. But what if that was just his way of hiding the truth. The truth being that he was way more observant, way smarter and a lot sneakier than his outward personality let you to believe. He went for broke, 'Then why don't you start by finally telling me what it is you're running away from?'

Matthew gaped at his friend. He had thought he had been careful. The Doc had cautioned him to never let anyone know who or what he was, that the world wasn't ready for his kind, that he would endanger both himself and the person who would have to share his secret.

It was the last thing he wanted but the sniper was still staring at him. He had to say something but the words just died in his throat. He would have to run again, start over.

But just as the panic was getting the upper hand, Cutler sighed and said, 'Don't worry, Matt. You'll tell me when you're ready. I won't pry. After all, we all have our secrets.' He winked and sat down again to return to sorting screws.

Matthew sat frozen to the spot as his thoughts raced, his heart was beating so hard he thought it would burst from his chest. 'I want to tell you,' he blurted out which made Cutler look up again. 'But I can't.'

'Can't what?' asked Danse as he stepped into the room, dropping a knapsack full of parts onto a chair.

'Can't decide whether we should have Salisbury steak or cram for dinner,' Cutler said quickly.

Danse looked at them and shrugged, 'Salisbury steak, no contest.'

'See, I knew you would say that. What did I tell you, Matt?'

Matthew looked at him for a second, blinked, and started to say, 'You said you...'

'Like Salisbury steak,' the sniper cut in with a bright smile before things could get out of control.

Danse looked from one to the other until his eyes settled on Cutler and said, 'Something is up, I can basically smell it on you. You'd better tell me now before the shop goes up in flames, again. You know what happens when you keep secrets from me. I don't like secrets.'

Cutler smile turned brittle around the edges but he kept it up, radiating fake innocence. He would have to make something up and quick. The last time Danse had caught him keeping a secret, Mr Tinkerpaws had indeed set of a chain reaction that had burned down half their shop when the other man had accidentally found him stashed away behind their odds and ends crate.

'Cutler,' Danse pronounced his friend's name carefully, 'out with it.'

'I'm a synth.' Matthew suddenly shouted into the quiet tension that had been building up.

'A what?' Cutler and Danse asked in unison.

'A synthetic human being, an android, a robot, a machine, ' Matthew explained in a rush. It was such a relief to say it finally out loud, he felt his eyes watering.

Both men looked at him quietly for a long time before Danse said, 'Actually, that explains a lot.'

'Wow,' Cutler exclaimed. 'I didn't even know such a thing was possible.'

'The world isn't ready for us,' Matthew parroted Doc's parting words, sniffing while he tried to reign in his emotions. A friendly warning that he had now chosen to ignore in favour of honesty. Danse didn't like secrets and Matthew wanted Danse to like him.

'You didn't know?' Danse turned to Cutler.

'I had no idea,' his friend replied, shaking his head. The tall man's eyes narrowed in suspicion. A humanoid machine would be right up the sniper's stray-collecting alley. But given the stunned look on his friend's face, he chose to believe him.

Cutler got up and started to circle around Matthew's chair, 'How... I don't even know how to ask this. How do you work?'

Without hesitation, Matthew explained in a monotone, almost clinical voice, 'I'm build out of synthesised osseous tissue, marrow, blood vessels, epithelium and nerves. My viscera, muscles and epidermis as well as my hair were equally synthesised from existing human DNA. My body is therefore identical to that of a human with the exception of the programmable implant in my brain which controls my functions, memories and personality.'

'Are you saying someone told you how to be, well, you. Why?' Danse asked bluntly, confused why anyone would purposefully create a machine with Matthew's idiosyncratic social skills.

'Because I am a person,' was the surprising response. It was the strongest and most self-conscious thing Matthew had ever said. 'No matter who I think I am or what someone programme's into my head, I am and will always be a person, and I want to be free to make my own choices. That's what you don't have on the inside. Choice. That's why I ran away.'

'Where is this “inside” exactly?' Danse prodded.

'I was built in a laboratory in the Commonwealth. I don't remember where exactly. It is called the Institute. They make us do the work they can't or won't do themselves. I didn't like it there.'

'Man, that sounds like slavery, Cutler said, disgusted by the thought.

'Yes,' Matthew replied. 'I escaped about six months ago. It was a rushed job, or so Doc told me. The safehouse had been compromised. I had to be moved quickly. I had been inside a pod or something when they pulled me out. I can't remember what happened after that until I woke up here.'

'That's tough. So, you are a robot but you're also a human?' Cutler asked, trying to get the concept into his head.

'I'm a synth. A human made of human components with the help of machines.'

'I saw you bleed,' Danse exclaimed, 'the other day, you cut your hand on a tin of all things, deep, lots of blood. We had to stitch you up and stimpak you.'

Cutler shrugged, 'He said he was human except for that thing in his brain.'

Danse waved his hands in a fashion that indicated he had gotten the message but his face clearly said that he was not happy about it. There were too many unknowns here and he didn't like it one bit. It had seemed they had gotten their feet under themselves when business had picked up and now Matthew was threatening to turn their world upside down again.

'Maybe we should change your name to Tinkerpaws,' Cutler heard Danse mutter under his breath.

'Please don't be an asshole,' the sniper growled, equally quiet but confident that the other had heard him. He loved Danse but his friend could be a right tool sometimes. They looked at each other until the taller man broke eye contact and sighed.

When he looked up again, Cutler smiled in response to the silent apology he could see on Danse's face before the tall man addressed Matthew who had been oblivious to the whole exchange, 'So, are those guys from the Institute coming after you? I don't relish the idea of waking up with a muzzle pointed at my nose, or worse.'

Cutler shot Danse another angry look before he had to concede that he didn't like the thought either.

Matthew looked from one to the other. 'I don't know,' he finally admitted. Danse took a deep breath and Cutler straightened up from the chair he was now perching on. The synth bit his lip. He was making things worse. He had wanted to make it better but it seemed to be just like Doc had said. He had to make this right.

Matthew jumped up, 'I will go. I thought telling you would make things better. But I can see you are not happy. I... thank you for everything.' He headed for the door when a strong hand clamped down on his upper arm.

'Hold it,' Danse said. Matthew turned his head and stared into Danse's face. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks again. The dark haired man let him go with a gentle shove toward the chair he had just vacated. Matthew sat down again.

'You have been on the run for six months and never seen or heard anyone come for you, right?'

The synth nodded.

'Did those friends of yours change your face?'

Matthew nodded again. 'My face, hair, even my body. The lady in the safehouse called me scrawny. I'm not scrawny now.'

'No, you're not,' Cutler agreed emphatically.

Danse sighed heavily, 'Look, stay. I mean it. From what you're saying they could come up to the stall tomorrow and be none the wiser after they had left. We work well as a team and... Just stay, okay. I... I have to go for a walk.'

The tall man turned and rushed through the door before Matthew could reply. Cutler jumped to his feet, patted the synth on the shoulder and said, 'He means it. But he might need some time to get his stupid head around the idea. Don't worry, he won't go back on his word. He is Danse. But I'll talk to him anyway. This is your home now, okay. Don't let anybody tell you different.' And then Cutler was rushing after his friend.

He was already gone when Matthew, wide-eyed and awed, whispered, 'My home.'

Cutler dodged through the crowd. It wasn't difficult to spot Danse who was easily at least half a head taller than anyone else. At 6' feet Cutler wasn't exactly small but he always felt tiny compared to his friend who was not only tall but filled out a jacket like nobody's business. It was why Danse usually manned the counter. When people saw Cutler, all wiry muscles and bright smiles, they often tried to pull a fast one. But they thought twice about it when faced with the imposing form of Danse.

'What a shallow world we live in,' Cutler mused as he darted after his friend. He watched as Danse turned to the stairs. Fresh air indeed.

He caught up with him on the top deck. Danse was leaning on a makeshift railing, staring at the horizon. Cutler stepped next to him and copied his stance.

They stood in companionable silence until the cries of a recruitment officer form the Brotherhood of Steel made them both turn around.

'Join the Brotherhood of Steel! Make your mark on the world! Help create a safer future for all mankind!'

One of the Scribes spotted the pair, walked over and shoved a leaflet into their hands before she saluted and rejoined her party. Cutler and Danse watched them move on before they looked at the piece of paper.

'You know, I had been thinking about it,' Danse admitted quietly.

Cutler stopped in the middle of folding a paper aeroplane and looked at his friend. 'Joining up?'

'Yeah,' Danse said thoughtfully. 'Before... business picked up we weren't getting anywhere really.'

'You mean before Matthew showed up,' Cutler said out loud what Danse had clearly been avoiding to say. He would definitely need some work before he fully came around.

Danse nodded. 'We were treading water. The Brotherhood, though, they stand for something. Loyalty, integrity, they make a difference, create a better world for people. I thought we could be a part of that, you know.'

'We?' Cutler asked, mildly surprised.

Danse turned his head and looked into his eyes. The moment stretched. The smile slipped off the sniper's face as he felt something hot churn inside his gut. He swallowed dry. Something was happening and he wasn't sure what it meant.

Before Cutler could get more anxious, Danse simply said, 'Yes, we. I figured I would talk you into it.'

The smaller man chuckled nervously, 'That's some confidence you have, man.'

Danse shook his head from side to side, 'You are my best friend. I can't even imagine a life without you.'

And you'll never have to, Cutler thought quietly. Shit, he had to make a joke or he would lose it right here in front of half of Rivet city.

'Are you going to kiss me now?' Cutler asked with a smirk, batting his eye-lashes in a bad imitation of Trixie.

However, Danse didn't laugh. Didn't even smile or punch him on the arm like he always did when Cutler made one of his come-on jokes. He just looked at Cutler with an unreadable expression.

No. No. No. This wasn't real. This couldn't be real. He just couldn't, not now. Cutler forced himself to laugh and said, 'Oh man, you should see that look on your face. I'm just playing, Danse. Come on, let's go back to check on Matthew. He must be wondering where we are. Besides I still have a million question about...,' he cut himself off and hastily looked around. Nobody was close by but it was probably best not to take any chances.

Danse raised his eye-brows and then did the same quick scan of their surroundings. 'Yes. Let's go back before he does something irreversible.'

The sniper breathed a sigh of relief when the other man pushed away form the railing and walked back to the stairs.

'Oh, boy,' Cutler muttered and followed his friend back to the lower levels.

~*~

'I'm tired,' Matthew said suddenly. 'I'll see you guys in the morning.' He stood up and quickly walked out of sight.

'Night,' Cutler called after him and gave Danse a puzzled look who just shrugged in return and took another sip.

'What got into him all of a sudden?'

Danse put the empty bottle on the table and stretched in his chair. Cutler's mouth ran dry as he watched the muscles ripple under Danse's white shirt.

'He is Matthew, is all I can say to that. Maybe it's part of his programming. I don't know,' Danse yawned. 'Must be contagious though.'

Cutler watched Danse get up and look down at him. This was their first time alone since that day Matthew had told them about his true identity. After that they had made sure that one of them was always close by to keep an eye on him.

Cutler because he was concerned that his friend might do something foolish like run away, and Danse because he still couldn't quite get comfortable about the idea that a machine could imitate a human being this perfectly. He liked Matthew, he really did, but ever since the revelation he felt unsettled and therefore preferred to not let the synth out of his sight.

But now it was just him and Cutler like in the old days. It suddenly seemed a long time ago. Danse thought about sitting down again, just to sit and talk with his friend but he was tired and besides there was this thing between them. He had felt it on the day Matthew had revealed he was a synth.

Cutler had flirted with him before but that time on the upper deck had been different. Something had changed that day. The sniper had made light of it like he always did but it was still there, waiting, and Danse wasn't certain he was ready to deal with it, what with everything else that was going on.

He self-consciously rubbed his neck and hastily looked away when he said, 'Well, night.'

Cutler jumped out of his chair, chuckling, 'What, no good night kiss?'

Danse stopped dead in his track. He slowly turned to face his friend who was still grinning at him good-naturedly.

For several heartbeats they just stared at each other, Danse watched the smile crawl away from Cutler's face to be replaced by something else. The same look he always had when he was keeping secrets.

Danse didn't like secrets.

'Are you playing games again?' he asked. It came out as a growl, a warning and it registered on the other man's face, he could tell. But this time instead of turning tail, Cutler said, 'I'm not playing any more,' before he took that last step forward and planted a simple kiss on his friend's mouth.

Cutler actually giggled nervously when he saw the utterly stunned look on Danse's face. 'Oh man, I have just ruined everything, haven't I?' He said, trying to sound brave. 'But, it was starting to kill me.'

When Danse remained frozen to the spot, the sniper quickly took a few steps back and said, 'I'll get my stuff and move out. You won't have to see me again.'

He turned swiftly to hide the tears that were welling up behind his eyes. He had just lost his best friend, he didn't need the man to see him crying as well. Cutler managed to take one step before a strong hand grabbed his shoulder, spun him around and into the wall. Danse was on him before he could get a word out.

Matthew watched unseen form the shadows as his two best friends began to make love for the first time before he turned on his heel to take a long walk. He needed time to think.


	3. Chapter 3

_I woke up one morning realising how human I had become. Six months on my own and I had still been a machine. Less than half that time with you, and I was beginning to understand what living really meant. It was confusing at first, then I got angry. Really angry. I think it's fair to say I was jealous. But, I also wanted to see you happy, both of you, see you smile._

'You are smiling a lot today,' Matthew observed.

Danse didn't look up from the workbench but his smile got even brighter when he asked, 'Am I?'

'Yes,' Matthew replied matter of factly, 'you look beautiful when you smile.'

Danse dropped the screwdriver. Matthew watched fascinated how his friend's skin turned crimson from the neck upwards.

'You are turning red. Why is that?'

'B... b... because...,' Danse stuttered.

'Because you say the sweetest things, Matt,' Cutler explained as he sauntered into the shop. He stepped close to Danse and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Danse looked still flustered but flashed a quick smile at his lover before he turned his attention back to the workbench.

'Did I say something wrong?' Matthew asked, watching Danse bow his head lower in what looked like a vain attempt to turn himself invisible.

'No, you're saying it as it is. However, not everybody is always prepared to hear the truth, no matter how much they proclaim they like to hear it,' Cutler said and poked his finger into Danse's ribs. The taller man flinched and scowled at the sniper. Cutler stuck his tongue out at him.

'You are awfully cheeky today,' Danse growled but there was no real menace behind it. Warm eyes sparkled fondly, betraying how utterly besotted he was. Cutler's heart fluttered. The past three weeks had been wonderful. He had learned quickly that Danse wasn't big on public displays of affection but was neither hiding nor denying that they were together.

Trixie had stopped by the shop a few days after their first night. Cutler would forever treasure the look on her face when he had turned Danse's face and given him a short but possessive kiss. Danse had grunted but then leaned in again to show him what a really possessive kiss looked like. By the time he had kissed Cutler within an inch of his life, Trixie had nearly fainted with rage and yelled at Matthew to get his creepy hands off her as he was trying to keep her from falling to the floor.

She had stormed off, yelling insults until she was out of sight. People in the market place had watched the spectacle with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment and then returned to business as usual.

'Matthew, you remember Mrs Larson?' Cutler asked slowly while raking his eyes up and down Danse's body.

'Yes, the old lady who smells like Muttfruit pie.'

'That's the one,' Cutler confirmed. Something in his voice made Danse look up. 'She said her terminal was playing up again. Could you go over there and take a look?'

'Now?'

'Uh-hn,' Cutler confirmed, not taking his eyes off his lover's face. Danse unconsciously licked his lips.

'Okay,' Matthew agreed.

The second he stepped outside, Danse reached out and pulled his lover flush against himself. 'Is there something you want, Cutler?'

'You,' the sniper confirmed before he pressed his mouth to Danse's.

'Is she... Oh, sorry.'

Danse and Cutler sprang apart in shock as Matthew materialised back in the shop. 'I didn't mean to...'

Cutler chuckled, 'No, it's fine. It’s not like you didn’t know.'

Matthew looked from Danse, who was rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he was embarrassed, to Cutler who was giving him a shaky grin. 'Yes, I know you love each other. And I am happy for you. I'll find Mrs Larson now,' Matthew said in his straightforward way and left again.

The lovers stared at the empty, Matthew-shaped spot.

'He doesn't know how to be subtle, does he?' Danse asked slowly.

'I doubt he understands the meaning of the word to begin with. I like that about him. You always know where you stand with good, old Matt,' Cutler said and immediately realised that he had pointed the finger at the proverbial behemoth in the room that Matthew had unintentionally released.

Silence stretched between them. Cutler felt the urge to make a joke to release the tension but just when he opened his mouth Danse said the words.

'You do?' asked Cutler somewhat stunned, not ready to believe it.

'Yes, I do.' Danse said softly. Matthew was right, he did look beautiful when he smiled.

'I love you, too,' Cutler replied. That had taken only what? Five years, give or take?

'How sweet,' a raspy, female voice interrupted. She might as well have dropped a bucket of ice-water over them for the effect it had on the lovers.

Cutler and Danse flinched and turned as one to see the tiny, old lady step into the room. 'You boys are so cute, I think I'm going to puke.'

Danse took a step forward, lowered his head and growled, 'You are not welcome here, Kudo.'

Oh shit, was all Cutler could think in that moment. His hand automatically covered his left wrist where he still bore her brand, usually covered with a leather armband to hide it from sight. He hadn't seen her in over four years but the terror that the woman inspired in him was still as fresh as the day he had left her organisation.

Kudo tutted and looked around the shop with feigned interest. 'So, Trixie, was telling the truth. I hope I'm getting invited to the wedding. I am after all the mother of the... well, one of you.'

'You are not my mother!' Cutler spat. Bile rose in his throat, his fingers ached to reach for the knife in the back of his boot but security frowned on cold-blooded murder in the market place and he didn't relish the thought of spending the night in lock-up rather than wrapped around his lover.

'Get out, you filthy witch!' Danse took another step forward, instinctively putting himself between Cutler and Kudo.

The woman slowly turned her head to glance over her shoulder. 'Watch your tone, Danse,' she hissed menacingly. As if on cue, two goons stepped into the room; both as tall as Cutler, hands unsubtly resting on the triggers of their pipe pistols.

Danse whole body vibrated with rage. 'I'm saying it for the last time. You are not welcome here. Take your thugs and get out before...'

'Before what?' Kudo cut him off. She walked right up to him, titling her head up in defiance of their significant difference in height. 'I have brought bigger men than you to their knees. Never make threats or promises that your ass isn't prepared to cash. It makes you look like an idiot.'

She swiftly stepped around him, seemingly dismissing Danse's presence, to address Cutler directly. 'I took you in when you were starving in the trash. I gave you a home, a family and you turned and ran on me after the first nice piece of ass to cross your way, you ungrateful, little shit.'

'Danse don't!' Cutler cried, quickly placing a hand on his lover's fist that was already on its way into Kudo's face. Danse growled and looked up, first at the woman, then at the goons who were now pointing their guns at him, and eventually at Cutler who was pleading with him silently not to do anything stupid that would get him killed. He ground his teeth and slowly lowered his arm.

The old lady cackled. 'You temper him, Cutler. Good, he might live longer that way.'

'Why are you here? It's been over four years, what do you want?' Cutler asked angrily. He didn't believe for one second it was because of the latest development between him and Danse. No. Kudo was all about business, and profit. It was why he had been able to get away in the first place. As one of many scavengers she “employed”, if bed – a dirty mattress in a rickety lean-to – and board – access to a cooking station, food not included – and little else could be called employment, his contribution to her organisation had been insignificant enough for her not to give chase when he had run away when Danse had offered to team up.

'Ahhh. Now there is a good question. Tell me, where is your new business partner? The pale one who is allegedly so good at fixing things. I believe he answers to... Matthew. Yes, that was it. I'm dying to meet him.' She grinned ferally, showing black and broken stumps that made Cutler and Danse recoil in disgust.

'He left. Actually, this morning. Said he was fed up with us, can you imagine? You might catch him if you leave now. I'm sure he said something about the west coast. Wasn't it the west coast?' Cutler talked fast, looking at Danse for confirmation. The taller man nodded, playing along for once.

Kudo regarded them through narrowed eyes before she said very quietly, 'I think I need to remind you who you are talking to.' She snapped her fingers. One of her goons stepped forward and methodically began to swipe merchandise off the nearest shelf.

Every muscle in Danse's body twitched, he breathed heavily through his nose, clamping his mouth shut. Cutler's hand was still on his arm, reminding him to keep calm. But it was getting more difficult by the minute. He wasn't an experienced fighter but he had been in his fair share of brawls and fighting off ferals and mirelurks was part and parcel of a scavengers life. He knew how to handle himself. The only question was, would he be fast enough to take the thugs out before they could get a shot in.

'What's going on?' Matthew asked as he stepped into the shop. All eyes turned to him at once, which made him flinch a little.

Danse and Cutler cursed under their breath.

'Matthew,' Kudo greeted him warmly as she hobbled closer to him, 'so good to finally meet you.' She stretched out her claw-like hand but for once Matthew did not take it. Instead he looked at Danse and Cutler; even he could tell that they looked upset which meant whatever was going on was serious, deadly serious. He turned his gaze to the woman who was slowly taking her hand back. The smile was slipping off her face, too. She straightened up, which didn't amount to much, but clearly signalled that she was dropping the frail, old lady act.

'Who are you?' Matthew asked carefully.

'My name is Kudo. You could say I am Cutler's mother.'

'Fuck you, you are not my mother!' Cutler screamed, lunging at the woman. Guns were raised and Matthew's eyes went wide. He had never heard Cutler yell at anybody. Danse had reacted quickly, wrapping his arm around his lover's chest and pulling him against his own before the sniper could get himself killed. He whispered urgently into Cutler's ear, holding him tightly. His lover stared at Kudo, eyes full of hatred, but he seemed to calm down.

'I think you need to leave,' Matthew exclaimed and emphasised the suggestion by pointing at the door.

'Why, I just got here. In fact, I came to meet you. I have heard such good things about you,' Kudo said as if nothing had happened.

Matthew's eyes darted to Danse and Cutler and back to the woman. 'No, I don't want to talk to you. Leave our home now.'

'Your home, is it?' Kudo asked, looking very interested. 'So, you think of this place as home. Mh-hm.'

Matthew could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It was the oddest sensation and he didn't like it one bit. Danse and Cutler seemed to be frozen to the spot, unsure what to do. Only one thing was clear, the lady had to go.

Without further ado, Matthew took two steps forward and lifted the woman up at the waist as if she weight nothing. She looked at him, clearly surprised, before her hand snaked up to her hair, pulling out the long needle that had held it in a tight bun on the back of her head. Long grey locks cascaded over her back and shoulders as she calmly held the tip against Matthew's throat.

'Put her down, slowly, you freak,' one of her thugs commanded, gun pointed at Matthew's back. They didn't dare shoot while they could hit the boss. Cutler and Danse called out to him as well, urging him to do as he was told.

'I wasn't going to hurt you, I just wanted you to leave,' he said as he slowly lowered the woman back to the floor. He could still feel the needle pressing against his flesh without breaking it.

'Boys, I think we need to teach Matthew a lesson about what happens to people when they disobey me.' The synth was about to speak but Kudo cut him off. 'I'm holding a kanzashi to your skin, coated in a toxin of my own invention. If I do so much as break your skin, your friends will clean blood off the floor for weeks. It's an ugly way to go. Now, hold still.'

'What do you want us to do, boss?'

'Give the big guy a beating. That's the only way how anything will ever get through that thick skull.'

'And the other one?'

'Well, he doesn't want to be part of the family than he doesn't deserve to bear my mark. Cut it from his flesh!'

'No,' Danse and Matthew roared in unison.

Time seemed to slow down. Matthew took a swipe at Kudo's arm that was holding the weapon before she could even move. It sailed through the air and landed in the back of the shop. Without thinking the synth swung his arm back and struck the woman in the nose with all his strength, lifting her off her feet and crashing into the wall.

The thugs raised their guns but before they could fire, four disgruntled looking guards stepped into the shop, shouting, 'What's going on in here?'

'He attacked me!' Kudo wailed, trying to stem the flow of blood from her broken nose.

Danse and Cutler started to shout that it was her fault but one of her henchmen was already helping her to her feet, backing up her story that Matthew had attacked her out of the blue.

'What about you?' the guard asked goon number two who had discreetly slipped to the back and retrieved the kanzashi. 'Oh, it was his fault.' The man said loyally.

It was three against three but the guards had been interrupted during their dinner and were in a foul mood. 'I don't give a fuck but that lady is bleeding and your hand is covered in blood. You're coming with us. A night in the cage will cool him down.'

'Good to see that law and order still mean something in this city,' goon number one said solemnly.

'Get your asses out of here,' the guard growled back, watching as the two thugs helped the frail, old lady out of the shop. Only Cutler and Danse saw the glance she gave them over her shoulder before she vanished from sight. It said, 'This isn't over.'

'Danse?' Matthew asked, frightened that his friends would be mad at him. He had only wanted to help.

'It's okay, Matt. You'll be fine. Just go with them for now. We'll come for you in the morning, I promise,' Danse sounded more confident than he felt.

'No, you can't...' Cutler said, his whole body was shaking. Danse wrapped his hand around his wrist.

'Let's go,' the guards grumbled. They surrounded Matthew on all sides and ushered him out of the shop. The synth kept glancing over his shoulder until he was out of sight.

'But...'

'Leave it,' Danse hissed, still holding Cutler back. 'He is safer in there than he is with us right now. We'll get him out. Don't worry. But we need to think this through before we make a move.'

'Why is this happening?' Cutler asked. Not an hour ago, all had been well. He tried not to think about Mr Tinkerpaws and all the others that had come and gone before him.

'Maybe I am cursed,' Cutler said morosely.

Danse stepped in front of his lover, wrapped his hands around his face, looked him in the eyes and said. 'You are not cursed. But we need to come up with a plan. I have a feeling, we haven't seen the last of Kudo. She wants Matthew which means we need to keep him safe.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is chapter missing here with a big fight and drama and sex but I chickened out. Here, have some heartbreak instead.

_“Nothing lasts forever,” was the first thing I had ever heard you say. It had sounded trite then but now I know it is one of the fundamental truths of life, and it means you have to treasure the here and now because you won't ever get it back._

_Blood, there was so much blood._

_You had decided that you'd needed to take the fight to her. But it turned out to be an ambush, a trap. Cutler never said how you escaped only that if it hadn't been for you, I would have never found out what had happened to you in the first place._

_We carried you through the backroads to the only one who I knew would be able to help us now. It was on the way passing through patches of light and shadow when I made my decision, and I was happy because for the first time, I knew exactly how to repay you. I had made my choice._

_When we made it to the hidden laboratory. The Doc was furious to see me again but he also saw how desperate we were. We hooked you up to his instruments and he told us what we already knew: we were losing you. The poison from Kudo's needle had caused haemorrhaging in all major organs, so I told them both what I wanted to do._

'Are you nuts, we can't do that!' Cutler yelled.

'It's the only way, believe me. It's okay,' Matthew replied gently.

Cutler was pacing, rubbing his head and wailing. 'I don't know what to do, man. Danse is the one who knows what to do. Tell me what to do!'

'We are running out of time,' the Doc said. 'You need to make a decision, now.'

Cutler shook his head. 'He wouldn't want this.' He looked up into Matthew's eyes.

'Wouldn't want to live?' the synth asked with eerie calm.

'No,' Cutler yelled. 'He wouldn't want to be a machine. It would kill him. I know he is a bit of a tool but he is the most human...,' Cutler's voice broke. He took a deep shaky breath before he said quietly, 'We can't do this, Matthew. He wouldn't want to live like, I'm sorry, like you.'

Matthew's face twitched but he didn't argue the point because he understood what the other was saying, and a part of him agreed. Still.

'But he doesn't have to know,' the synth suggested. 'The Doc can tweak the memories. Can't you?'

'Up to a point, my equipment is basic. But I could erase the past weeks which, if I understand you correctly, would delete all knowledge of Matthew and synths from his mind.'

Cutler stopped pacing and stared at the Doc, 'Everything?'

The other man nodded. Matthew looked at Cutler and watched his face twist into agony and then he understood.

'He might not know but he loves you,' Matthew said quickly. 'You can tell him again when he wakes up and it will be fine. You'll see.'

Cutler closed his eyes and screamed. He would have to do it all over again but what if life didn't work that way? What if there were no real do-overs? What if in this new reality Danse would reject him, tell him to get out of his life? Cutler didn't think he could survive it. Maybe it was better to grieve him now. It would hurt but better to remember what they had and mourn than risking losing him all over again.

He shook his head. 'I can't do this. Matt, I just can't do it.'

Matthew took a very deliberate step forward. He lowered his chin and said, 'You don't have to know either.'

Cutler's eyes flew open. 'Woah, hold it. Hold it! Have you burned a fuse in that fancy brain of yours? You can't do that to people! You can't go around playing creator, rearranging reality to your whim. We are people, for fuck's sake!'

'Flatline,' the Doc called, urgency in his gravelly voice.

Cutler whirled around, shouting, “Danse, no!'

'I'm sorry, my friend.' Matthew's apology was the last thing he heard before he felt a sharp scratch on his neck and the world went dark.

_I am the one who fixes things. I am the one who can mend what is broken. There is only one way I can fix you now. I was never able to tell you... to give you... but I can give you this. Please let me give you life after all you gave me mine in a sense. And for a time, I was truly happy, and I am grateful. It will be ...a fair deal._

He ran down endless corridors, chasing an elusive light that just stayed out of his grasp. He could make out the shape of a man who was running ahead of him but never close enough to touch. He wasn't sure what they were running from or where they were running to, but the voice in the darkness kept telling him not to stop.

'You have to keep moving on.'

'Matthew?'

Reality came back in a rush. Cutler opened his eyes. Danse was looking down at him, familiar brown eyes full of concern.

'Danse!'

Cutler sat up, too fast, the world spinning. He chocked down bile and panic. Strong hands came to rest on his shoulders, steadying him.

'Danse?' he asked hesitantly.

'Who else? How are you feeling?'

The Doc emerged in his field of vision, gently pushing the tall man aside and shining a bright light in Cutler's eyes. He flinched automatically. 'Looks okay. You can take him home,' the voice rasped as the light vanished.

Cutler rubbed his eyes and stared at Danse who was nodding at the old man.

'Are you... okay?' Cutler asked again.

Danse turned to him with a reassuring smile. 'I'm fine. The Doc found us and patched us up. I... There is no easy way to say this. Cutler, Matthew, he didn't make it.'

Cutler's eyes went wide. He remembered Matthew. They both remembered. Cutler's eyes flew to the Doc and back to Danse.

'What...?' He began, not sure which question to ask first. Before he could make up his mind the old man stepped forward.

'I knew Matthew, of course, and he knew I could help. He must have let you both here. You were all unconscious by the time I found you on my doorstep. You were gravely ill.'

When Cutler frowned, the Doc explained, 'Radiation poisoning. I don't know where you guys were spelunking, and I don't want to know either. But half an hour later and your brains would have rotted away in those thick, stupid skulls of yours. You had the least damage of all. But your friend here and Matthew... the burns were severe. I managed to save Danse but poor Matthew, it was too late him.'

'I'm sorry,' Cutler said automatically.

'Don't be sorry!' The Doc snapped. 'Make up for your idiocy by living a better life. Make his sacrifice count.'

His sacrifice? Cutler looked at Danse again. Only now did he see the fresh scars on his jaw and neck.

His sacrifice.

Cutler's eyes darted around the room. He could make out the outline of a body on a gurney at the far end of the room. The body of a large man wrapped in a dirty, blood splattered sheet.

A body. Dead. Dead flesh. Dead brain. But whose body?

Cutler's heart began to race. 'May... may I see him?'

The Doc fixed Cutler with a piercing stare. 'That would not be wise. It's better to remember him the way he was, trust me.'

A warm hand came to rest on Cutler's shoulder and squeezed. 'Hey, I know you liked him but maybe we should let him rest. We have only known him for a couple of weeks.'

Cutler froze. He tried to swallow but his mouth had dried up, something was squeezing his throat. He felt like he would pass out again.

A couple of weeks?

'What I had to do to save you involved some experimental treatment,' he heard the Doc say. 'It isn't an exact science, at least not yet. I did the best I could under the circumstances. Time was of the essence and in short supply. I wasn't able to do everything I would have liked to try. All I can say is, I'm sorry for your loss.'

'You don't have to apologise. We wouldn't be here if not for you, and Matthew, and we are grateful, Doc, for everything,' Danse replied earnestly. He self-consciously touched the tender skin on his face. 'Might have to grow a beard though if I ever want a woman to give me a second glance.' He smiled, a little embarrassed.

'What date is it?' Cutler heard himself ask.

'March 22nd 2273,' the Doc said at the same time as Danse said, 'December 12th.'

'What?' Danse shouted incredulously.

The old man shrugged apologetically. 'Like I said, the treatment is still experimental. There may be some side effects such as headaches, insomnia and, I'm afraid, memory loss. There may be others. If you notice anything out of sorts, come back here and I'll see what I can do to help but, as much as it pains me to say, what is gone is gone.'

All colour had drained form Danse's face in an instant. He turned and looked at Cutler like a lost puppy. Impulsively, his friend leaned forward and pulled him into a tight embrace. Danse first stiffened before he wrapped his arms around Cutler as well. He held him tight like he had so many nights before. Nights that from now on belonged to another life. A parallel reality that only one of them could remember.

'It will be okay,' Cutler said quietly. 'What are a few weeks in exchange for a life?'

He closed his eyes as he fought back tears, trying to convince himself that this was a fair deal. A life for a life. In his mind he could see the corridor from his dream again. Only this time, there was a voice coming form the light that he recognised as his own. It asked, 'But what about me?'

Quietly and slowly, Cutler stopped running. He imagined a door. Solid steel. A vault. A vault for all your precious things. To keep them in and away from the world. Very slowly, he pushed it shut, the light disappeared and he opened his eyes.

'Do you... I mean...' Danse began but couldn't bring him self to finish the question. He didn't have to anyway. It was obvious.

'I remember, ' Cutler pressed out between clenched teeth. 'I'll remember for the both of us.'

They left the clinic an hour later. To Cutler's horror, Danse offered to dispose of the corpse which the Doc, thankfully, declined and said he would take care of it himself.

Danse wanted to go home but Cutler stopped him in his track and, reluctantly, filled him in on the development with Kudo over the past days, leaving out certain elements like the break in and everything thereafter. Despite what he had said to Matthew, if he had a choice, Cutler would volunteer to forget about the events himself, however, he had gotten the impression that the Doc was either unable or unwilling to alter his mind.

Danse listened silently and then said he wanted to see it with his own eyes. Cutler had sighed and agreed. When they had made it back to the marketplace, they quickly discovered that Kudo's men had indeed taken over their shop. Business was open as usual. A sign proudly proclaimed 'Under new management'. And that was that.

Danse and Cutler kept out of sight, turned and walked away from their old life. It was no surprise that their feet headed straight for the Brotherhood of Steel's recruitment desk. After all, what else was there left to do?

'I would like to remember him somehow. He did save our lives,' Danse said suddenly as they joined the end of the queue. Apparently, they were not the only people searching for a new beginning.

Cutler bit his lip before inspiration struck, 'Hey, do you remember how he showed us how to remodel a standard pipe pistol into a .50 sniper rifle?'

Danse grinned, 'Yeah, I do. He was a genius, wasn't he? I'm... Well, you're right. It's something. Somehow, I wish there was more, though.'

When the made it to the front of the line, Cutler went first. After all their planning, he ended up feeling a little disappointed at how uncomplicated it turned out to be.

'Your turn, big guy. Name?' The Brotherhood recruitment officer was a woman in her forties dressed in a much mended scribe uniform and with a perpetual sour expression like she was sucking on a Tarberry first thing before breakfast.

'Danse,' he replied.

'Got a first name?'

Danse hesitated only for a moment before he said, 'Matthew. My name is Matthew.'

Fuck.

'But nobody really calls him that,' Cutler cut in a little too harshly, hoping the horror wasn't showing on his face. But the recruitment officer just looked at him bored when she said, 'I will just put M then, shall I?'

Danse gave Cutler a puzzled look but replied, 'Affirmative.'

'Well then, welcome to the Brotherhood of Steel. Ad victoriam, brothers.'

~*~

_So, this is good-bye. I wish you a long and happy life, my friends._

_I'm ready, Doc._

_As you wish._

_M7-97 factory reset authorisation code..._

The End


End file.
